My post on duty and devotion has sparked some interesting conversation. From my friend Suzanne, “I often think of that koan about the Big Rocks — making sure you get those big rocks in the container before adding the little ones or the sand. I’m sure you know it, yes? I do that (actually physically) with my students and do it periodically with myself. But — trouble is — I have so many Big Rocks — and some of the Little Rocks seem important!”
This raises a question for me about scattered-ness and spreading myself so thin that my days seem a jumble of identities and doing, rather than the more peaceable (seemingly) statement that my friend Jon Katz makes about himself: “I am a writer. That is my heart and soul, my identity and work.”
I am a choreographer a dancer, a writer, a rider, a somatic movement therapist a horse therapist. A mother a lover. Too many Big Rocks. Maybe I need a much larger container or (yes!) no container at all.
Last fall I taught an online class called Breaking into Blossom. It was about bringing a more improvisational spirit of play and engagement into your life. I learned a lot. Now, I think that there is another layer of investigation that I want to do that has to do with feeling the heart; with letting yourself be moved; with allowing and intuitive knowing. It is a little like what I call horse dancing, which is about learning how to listen, to feel and to respond soulfully in the moment.
I think that when I am in the spin cycle of duty madness, I have come untethered from the stillness and attention that is at the heart of good horse dancing – the heart of stillness that is needed before making a true move.
I am feeling the seeds of another class here. Stay tuned.